The Mystery of the Memphis Ball: An Adventure in São Paulo

Curious Introduction

On the morning of this Friday, a twist unfolded in São Paulo: the ball that Memphis Depay kicked during a penalty appeared! And guess what? It was right there, completely lost and unaware of what had happened. For a few seconds, it even dreamed it had been launched into the suite of the luxury hotel where the player was staying before, dramatically, losing his housing allowance.

An Unusual Journey

But after an intense search across the city, the mystery was solved. The ball’s destination was… a bleak roadside ditch in the eastern part of the city. Result? It was bruised all over and, of course, pretty scared. Sometimes life is downright cruel: one moment it was under the lights in Itaquera, and in the next, abandoned and alone amid the sorrow of a Corinthians elimination in the Libertadores.

While first aid was being given, the ball tried to recall that moment of terror.

Memories of a Difficult Match

“He looked nervous, and it wasn’t the first time he hadn’t played in the right position. He was frustrated. When I realized he didn’t put much distance into it, I had a bad feeling. And that was that—I was kicked far away without even being able to say goodbye,” the ball vented.

Despite the challenges during the match, it decided not to file a police report. It believes the players didn’t do it out of malice, but because they were incompetent. “It’s a cowardly team,” it admitted. The ball also had a sentimental memory about Yuri Alberto and confessed it feels nothing for Pedro Raul—“not my type.” As for Garro, it didn’t remember him much in the game, but the doctors said it wasn’t amnesia from the hit.

And what about Memphis? “No grudges. But, look, last year he treated me better! Now he’s different, a little chubbier, and I even think that’s sexy. It’s my type. But when I was on the pitch, I didn’t believe he’d go for goal. This team doesn’t shoot for goal! And I really didn’t need to end up going that far.” The ball let out an ironic smile. “It was only because of the crowd, right? The fans even threatened the president!”

Final Reflections and Expectations

At that moment, it went quiet, realizing it had talked too much. “Let Memphis do whatever he wants at Parque São Jorge. He’s an artist. Corinthians democracy is already over—it’s better for me to stay with mine and keep my job for the Sunday match against Fluminense.”

And just like a good crowd, everyone will go to Itaquera looking for victory. But just to keep you on your toes, don’t be surprised if Diniz, at some point, ends up taking a ball too…

Anything can happen!

This column is written by Rômulo Mendonça, always on Fridays, bringing fiction based on news from UOL.